Loneliness

Loneliness

How many times have I cried?

How many times have I begged?

God, I just want a friend.

I feel so lonely.

People all around me,

Family, acquaintances, coworkers

But where is a friend?

How I have longed.

How I have cried,

All alone,

Only for God to hear.

I’m not a people person.

I don’t know how to talk

Or what I should say.

I’m an introvert

To the extreme.

I’m a good listener,

In that I take pride.

But too often,

For too long,

You want my ears

But can’t hear my voice.

You have your problems.

You need to vent.

I’m a quite listener

Someone you can depend on.

I’m glad to do that

I’m happy to help.

But when’s it my turn to talk?

When’s it my turn to spill?

And even when you let me,

You have a quick answer,

Then it’s back to you.

I love you, I really do,

But too often you need an ear

And have no time

To be one for me.

Maybe that’s the trouble with family.

We know each other too well.

Buck up, you’ll be fine.

That’s not what I need to hear.

So I go out

And seek for a friend.

But how do I do that?

How long have I cried,

With a silent voice?

I’ve screamed!

And now even that

Has ceased to be.

I want a friend,

But I fear I don’t know

How to be one anymore.

I know how to lift others up

I can be a support.

But friendship goes two ways

And it’s that that I’ve lost.

My voice is silent,

I don’t know how

To call for help anymore.

I cried but no one heard.

Now I don’t know how

To let you in anymore.

I’m dying for friendship

Crying alone in the dark

But before you I stand

A smile plastered to my face.

When you ask me how I am

I say I’m fine.

I’m fine.

I’m fine.

I must be.

There’s no other option.

My voice is silent

You don’t really want

To know the mess.

You have your own troubles

You don’t have time for mine.

I know, I understand.

I’m good at listening,

At least I’m good at that.

If you even saw the mess within,

It would just push you away.

I’d rather keep the acquaintance I have

Then risk it for me

And lose it all.

That’s too painful

So I’ll just keep the pain

Of being alone

Rather than add rejection to the list

But loneliness mounts

It weighs heavy on me

I add to it the burdens

You share with me.

So I’ll tuck it down

Deep down inside.

Maybe with enough time

It will disappear completely.

How many times have I

Lied to myself that lie.

It doesn’t go away.

It will rear its ugly head

And bring me to tears again.

But what can I do?

My voice is silent.

This is the burden I bear.

I have Jesus, He’s enough.

God is my friend.

All we need is Jesus.

I’m not alone.

So why is it not better?

Why do I still cry?

Why does the pain wash over me,

And break my heart again?

We were not made

To live this life alone.

I’ve come to understand this.

We need fellowship

With our fellow man.

God made us this way.

God is enough

But He made us for more

We’re not meant to be alone

Friends are needed too.

But I still don’t know how.

My duck tapped heart

Is cracked and fragile.

I don’t want to be a burden.

I don’t want to ask

For more than your willing to give.

But if I take the tap off

And you walk away,

My heart might shatter.

The very thought scares me.

How could I survive?

So I still fear to let you in

But I’m dying as it is.

So trembling in fear,

Unsure how to begin.

Will you hear my silent voice?

I so badly want a friend.