Grateful and Blessed

My thoughts are still a bit jumbled in my head so I don’t know how this will all sound, but maybe being written out they will make sense.

With Christmas coming up, I thought I should try to write something about it, like what Christmas means to me or something along those lines. I know that can be pretty cheese, but that is what I was thinking. But I find each year as I get older the old Christmas spirit and joy is not what it was when I was a child. Maybe it’s because I’ve grown up. Maybe it’s because I don’t have any children of my own to spread that excitement. Likely it’s all that and being too busy as an adult to relax and let it in. Anyway this year is no exception. Christmas is a week away, and I barely feel the Christmas time joy and excitement.

But today I felt and could put into words something else I realized I have and am feeling. Grateful and Blessed. Today I read two different ministry update or newsletters. This time of year we are bombarded with different things/organizations asking for money. We are suppose to feel more giving and so here’s all these needs that need help. Honestly it can be a bit depressing. One I read today was from Samaritan’s Purse. There are still people suffering from the natural disasters that happened this year, and war and terrorism have made even more refuges around the world. So how does this make me feel grateful and blessed, and even good? Well maybe it was more the other update letters I read from a ministry closely connected to my home church. Yes, there are still needs, but there was also good news. Wells were dug that will give fresh, clean water, which not only will make life easier for those receiving it, it will save lives too as water contamination kills many people, especially children. Bibles were given which will minister to and feed the souls of those receiving them. Children in the Philippines are being feed good food at school so they can grow but also focus better and so be able to have a better life in the long run.

Yes, there are still many needs in the world, and I cannot help them all. In the grand scheme of things I likely am less than a drop in the ocean, but I know one little girl gets at least one good meal a day because of me. Another girl can go to school; tuition paid for so there is no excuse for her not to be able to go. (Her home life is not so good.) I also know she is working hard and there is every likely hood she will have a better future because of that. I may not matter to the world, but I matter to some people. And in the end that may be just as impotent.

Maybe it’s not as good too look at others misfortunes and so be glad that you are better off. But is it so bad to be thankful for what you have and for the good you can do and give?

On top of that I am grateful and feel blessed for another reason. I have made a new friend. I don’t make friends particularly easily or quickly. I am an introvert (to the extreme). I can smile and be friendly to most people, but it takes more for me to let others in more than skin deep. I have cried many times when I let the lonely feelings I keep inside rise to the surface. But with no way or knowledge of how to resolve it, I shove such feeling of loneliness back down as far as I can. I don’t think about them but go about my life again as if I’m just fine. This is not to say I don’t have any friends. One of my sisters has long been a best friend. I have another best friend from high school who through the years I have grown even closer too. I also have several cousins I still feel close to. But my cousins are on the opposed end of the country. My sister is a busy mom of two young children. My friend is married and has a busy life of her own. Not to mention she lives 80 miles away. We can go months without seeing each other, especially in the winter. Earlier this year, I got the winter time pretty bad. (Winter was long and my apartment gets next to no sunlight.) I came to realize I am really good at listening and taking on other’s problems, but really bad at entrusting others with my own problems. I am working at this now. I talked to my fiend about it and she is trying to help me. I also stopped making excuses not to and joined a women’s Bible Study in my church. I won’t change unless I put myself out there to change. Joining other ladies in my church has been a good start.

Then this year, while helping at the church’s youth group, I started talking to another young lady in the church. Years ago she was one of my girls in youth group when I first started helping. Now she is old enough she has started helping herself. We started talking and soon found we had some common interest and the same sense of humor. To my surprise, I found she had started getting into anime, and we liked some of the same shows. Then I had her over to start watching My Hero Academia (I talked about this one in an earlier blog). This week I had her over twice to finish season one before we both get totally, crazy busy with Christmas. The more we talk, the more we find we have a lot of the same interest and likes, especially in books and movies.

We are really still in the early stages. We have not had any deep conversations, which makes me question why I’m so happy. But I am! I am so happy! I already know she’s a solid Christian, and I am relaxed around her. We can just hang out, and I’m not fretting about everything little thing like what I say or is my house ok, and all that. We just get along. I have cried yesterday and today as I have thought about it. It may seem crazy or weird, and I don’t’ fully understand it myself. But…I know I am blessed. And I am so grateful. To me this may be a better feeling then the old Christmas excitement (though that’s good too).

In the season when we remember Jesus’ coming to earth for us, I feel truly grateful and blessed. And may all of you be so too.

God Bless