A New Year

Still coming out of the holiday season things have been crazy so that’s my excuse/plead for being late/missing a week. In truth I did think about writing a blog on the 26th, but I could not think of anything to write about, nor did I really want to write. I work in a store, and Christmas time is our second busiest time of the year and it all happens in a short amount of time. Summer in general is the busiest time, but that’s stretched over two to three months rather than one to three weeks. Anyway, now is the slight calm before the next storm, inventory. Most places have stuff sent up better and/or do not have the amount of stuff my department does. I expect to be doing inventory for the next three weeks so…wish me luck?

This time I thought I would do the normal/cliché think and have a look back at this year. At first I was thinking this year was not a good year. But on second thought I think I would say it was a hard year but still good in a way. Last year I was in the process of and then got my first book published. It felt like things were moving. I had taken a step forward, even a big step, and had officially become an author. This year might have been closer to a reality check. I learned the author is responsible for marketing their own book. Something I’m not good at. I barely know how to start or what to do. This blog is a part of that in that I’m trying to get my name out there. (Plus I read several times that this is one thing an author should do…so.) Also I don’t think I’ve sold any books other then what close family, who know it’s my book, have bought. It felt like a step backwards, if not a slap in the face. The highlight of my year was the vacation I took a month ago. To me it feels a little sad when your high light of the year was nearly at its end.

In early spring I got the winter time blues pretty hard as summer was slow in coming and winter lingered. I came to realize that though I am good at listening and ready to help others, to the point of being pride full, I am really bad at seeking and getting help for myself. There are multiple reasons for this, but it comes down to I tell myself I can handle it. I don’t want to burden anyone else with my petty problems, especially since they all seem to have problems of their own. But in truth I don’t deal with them. I bottle them up and push them down and put on a smile and tell myself (and others) that I’m fine. Anyway it came to a head, or all to the surface, this spring. It resulted in me opening up to a best friend and getting involved in some women’s Bible studies and actively seeking to change. I need others, and I need to let others help me. It’s not easy, but it’s a step forward for me. And this is why this year was good though it was hard. I am starting to see the problems and seeking to change.

My book might not be doing well, but I can still learn from this. I’m chocking it up to experience. And hey, I still got a book published if nothing else.

I tried something new this year too and got out and did the Farmer’s Market. And I plan to do it again this year.

Of late I feel that I have matured and my stress, anxieties, and fears have gone down. I’m not worrying as much and feeling more grown up. I got a confidences boost from my vacation. (I did not know I needed one.) Now I’m still far from perfect. I can be stubborn, stupid, and childish and need a reality check every now and again. But if I can keep it from pushing me back in to a corner or little box. If I can take a deep breath, learn from it and move on, I’m doing better than I was.

This then was a year of growth. It’s not always nice or easy. Sometimes it hurts. But I think I’m coming out of this year better then when I started. Also I’m making a new friend which makes me happier then I know how to describe. I’m still learning. I’m still writing. I’m still growing. I don’t know what this New Year will hold. But if I have any New Year’s resolutions it will be to do more of the same. And most of all to grow more in the Lord and into the person He wants me to be.

May you have wonderful New Year, and may God bless you and lead you into the person He wants you to be.